One Day…

One day you you will ask for my forgiveness. One day you will need my hug and my warm heart. One day you will stand before me and you will looking into my eyes and you will not find yourself in it. You will see my strong side. You will see how strong I became, not because of you only because of me. You would like to start to talk to me but your voice is gonna shake. You will turn back and you will start to walk away again but then maybe for the last time you will try again. You will come back and you will ask my forgiveness, your legs will shake and then your voice is gonna be strong and you will ask to strart again, to let go everything and to start a new chapter…and I will tell you this:

Where were your sweet words when your words tainted my soul? Where was your loyalty when your broken promises broke my heart?

Where were your tears when my eyes chocked on mine? Where was your heart when my beats fainted in my chest? Where was you pain when mine ran through my veins? Where were your kind words when I needed it? Where were you when you made a promise you will stand beside me no matter what because you love me? Where were you when I couln’t even breathe without you and my blood was your name?  Where were you when I was shaking because I couldn’t sleep without you at night?

Where were you when I wanted to to everything with you and all I had is loneliness and a teddy bear from you with full of lies?

Then something happened. Something has changed and “we are not” anymore. I get it, I realized it. I started to learn from you…I started to realize that I can’t count on you. I started to notice that people can make promises so easy when they are happy but they can’t keep it if they feel pain. I started to realize that love is never easy and sometimes love can be full of pain and love is not eternal. I realized sometimes love is not enough and people can run away from it because of weakness. I noticed that sometimes hurting is easier than to love because if you hurt me you don’t have to love me. You can hide your scars and you can say time will solve this. But now I’m saying to you : sometimes time will not help you if you are running from yourself. You will always end up falling because of yourself. I think it’s time to face it. Then later I realized that sometimes people won’t fight for their dreams and for their love because maybe it’s too hard. 

I realized that people can cut you deep down and they will hurt you. They will not hold your hands when you are falling because they will try to save their own ass from the situation. They will hurt you with words and everyone knows that words can cut you like a knife and so much deeper. When you won’t have a chance to turn it back. I thought it’s always better to fight no matter what but then I realized it can be a lie. You can die and feel eptiness.

Then you realized that you were happy. You felt so good and you are missing my words and my warm heart. But it’s not the same for you anymore. You wanted to find the beauty and not the real. Then you realized beauty is nothing without the real one. You had a nightmare and now you are here. Again. Front of my door asking my forgiveness.

You left me with nothing but broken promises, broken words and all I have is a broken heart. You know I wanted to dreaming also like you did but you end up being in a nightmare. You were searching something that never ever will be true. I knew that… that’s why I couldn’t fall asleep without you. That’s why I wanted to stay awake and not searching for beauty from somewhere else. But now I’m so tired and I really need to go to sleep. Far away from everything. Far away from pain…and the biggest pain is that I am not who I was beside you. I can’t find those stars on the sky what we were staring each night together. I can’t feel your skin on my pillow anymore because all of my tears washed away. Your warm hug is like a cold war right now and all I have left is pain.

But I will tell you that I forgive you…take it and walk away but don’t wait for more.

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Perepelica Claudia

 

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